Love, Lies and Lincernment
The Paytriot Parody gets to the bottom of the recent relationship breakdown of Lin Wood and his now estranged Husband, David Clements.
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So, you haven’t heard about the recent breakup of Mr. Lin Wood and and his now estranged Husband, The Assistant Professor of Finance, David Clements? Then where the hell have you been?
You must have been living under a rock over the past few weeks to have had this bit of patriot drama pass you by!
The Paytriot Parody has sat down with all parties concerned to bring you in-depth interviews as we set the record straight once and for all! We get to the bottom of the drama and try to answer the questions that are on everyone’s mind.
What happened? How did it happen? And more importantly, who gets custody of their child, QAnon John and what effect this breakup has had on him?
Now, Some History On The Couple
A little over a year and a half ago the world and truther community was introduced to the self-proclaimed second coming of Jesus Christ and Democratic Party Donor, Mr. Lin Wood, though some have said that he was forced upon us… and The Assistant Professor, David Clements, a former Never Trumper turned Election Auditor Extraordinaire Travelling Salesman. I think that It’s safe to say, It’s been one hell of a call to firing squad roller-coaster ride.
Relationships have been formed and broken, friendships were pushed to their limits and almost certainly damaged beyond repair within the patriot community. Unwarranted and at most times ludicrous accusations of being part of the Deep State were posted on Twitter and Telegram in abundance by the couple. Though these accusations wont be found on their respective Truth Social pages though… Funny that, isn’t it?
Lost in all the drama, there’s always one thing we forget and that’s the effect these relationship breakdowns and the subsequent emotional fallout can have on the children of these rushed whirlwind marriages, we will get into this later on in the article as we sit down with the man, the myth, the ex pizza deliveryman, QAnon John himself and ask what he really thinks of his parents falling out.
So, What Happened?
The Paytriot Parody asked both Lin and David separately, amongst other things, what exactly happened?
We’ll start with Lin and what he had to say on the breakup and his MAGA journey so far.
I remember the first time I saw David, it was in 2015 and we were at a Hillary Clinton for President fundraiser. He was shy at first but when I told him that I had already donated thousands of dollars to the Democrats in the past, his eyes lit up and we hit it off from the get go.
Lin later went on to say with a gleeful smile on his face that It was fun and exciting to begin with and you never forget your first set of tweets, calling for the murder of various political figures, ah those were the days.
David and I were so happy together, it seemed as though we were finding a new Deep State member every single day who was supposed to be on our side and yes before you ask, we only call out people who are on our side, never the Democrats or actual Deep State members.
We asked Lin about his faith and how he exclusively only calls out other Patriots, here is his response…
I always use my religion as a shield and make sure that I put on the armor of God before I go on a social media tirade. For example when I make ridiculous remarks and accusations of ill intent and calls for harm towards well known political figures and influencers in the patriot community, I’ll quote a generic Bible verse and claim imperfection as a way of using my faith as both shield and armor from well deserved criticisms and backlash because after all I am imperfect.
My followers aren’t that smart, so it usually works he went on to add.
As far as exclusively attacking other Patriots and Influencers within the Truther Movement goes, I’ve found that it's a good thing to sow discord constantly and keep people guessing as to who’s a black hat and who indeed is a white hat, Lin said.
Lin was unable to do so, when asked to provide a further explanation and reason as to how this was a good thing, he simply went on to state that he thinks his old flame, Jarrin Jackson is also a member of the Deep state.
Lin also added that he had been involved in several Psyops recently one of which included Kyle Rittenhouse. He went on to say his foundation was simply looking after Kyle’s Bail Fund and that he wasn’t trying to keep the money for himself…
What made you begin to suspect that David was part of the Deep State?
After David had moved himself into my Tomotley Ranch, I began to notice little things that he was doing wasn't right or Christian. He would hold his hands in a triangular type of position when having photos of himself taken. Weird handshakes with his forefinger poking out and an obsession with covering up one of his eyes.
I finally worked up the courage to search his belongings and that's when I found it, hidden away, deep in his man bag. This is when it finally dawned on me that my own husband was part of the Deep State and was no doubt just another Psyop perpetrated against me.
They say that love can make you blind and boy did it blind me to the fact that David was also a part of the Deep State.
Lin then presented us with the photo that he had found in David's gym bag, please see a copy of the photo in question below.
The Assistant Professors Version of Events
Next, The Paytriot Parody sat down with David Clements, Lin’s now estranged husband, to get his version of the story.
Why do you think Lin turned on you so vicariously?
Lin has been spiraling for several months now, I wish I had noticed the warning signs a lot sooner than I did. If I had then maybe this entire ordeal could have been prevented, David said.
I should have got my husband help when he was requiring guests who visited our ranch to undergo extensive background checks and upon entry swear an oath of fealty to him.
David went on to open up to The Paytriot Parody and told us that not many people know this but the vast majority of Lin’s life has been one Psyop after another, building up to what Lin calls The Mega Psyop.
He believes that his husband is suffering from a type of Psuedo-Psyop Deep State induced Schizophrenia and this is causing serious errors in his Lincernment.
David showed The Paytriot Parody the poem which he had written for Lin when he realized that their relationship was falling apart.
Sadly, David didn't get chance to give him the poem before Lin broke off the relationship and had David forcibly removed from his Tomotley Ranch, which David had moved himself into without permission from Lin several months prior.
With a tear in his eye, David turned to The Paytriot Parody and said when it's late at night and I'm feeling alone and lost, I ask Siri to read the poem to me. It helps to get me through the night.
David later went on to have Siri read the poem to us, to which he simply sat there in silence with a vacant expression on his face, a shell of the former man that he once was.
Seeing how distraught David was after Siri read the poem to us, The Paytriot Parody decided that it was best to leave the questions for David to a future date and time.
What Does QAnon John Think?
QAnon John, not to be confused with Papa John’s, though he is a former pizza deliveryman, didn’t have much time to sit down with The Paytriot Parody. John and his wife Amy were in the middle of the long drawn out process of refunding ticket purchases to patriots of a cancelled event, which John and Amy were supposed to be hosting.
It became clear to me that after being kicked out of We The Media for calling for a Military Coup and Insurrection, I had to side with Lin and David, John told us.
Amy then jumped into the interview and said that John’s ego was so fragile that he couldn’t take the embarrassment of being booted and was still deeply hurt from it.
I never thought that Lin would use our own tactics, the tactics of calling out other patriots against my father David and I. Amy thought that Lin was our meal ticket for life and so did I, John said.
Plans for the Future?
My plans are to never have an original thought or social media post of my own because after all, it’s worked so well for me in the past. I’ll just continue to steal other patriots posts and pass them off as my own work. You only have to look at my channels and timelines to see that all I do is spam post other peoples work, half the time I don’t even give credit for it.
John went on to say the following, I’m going to start calling for the movement to forget about all the hypocritical and nasty stuff I did to other Patriots and Influencers by saying it's time to move on and heal past grievances.
John and Amy are currently living in David’s basement and are hoping to move out in the fall, after reimbursing the ticket refunds which had purportedly already been spent by the couple.
The Paytriot Parody is hoping to catch up with Lin, David & QAnon John in the near future to dig deeper into the breakup drama and bring you further details.
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The above article is satire and should not be taken seriously. All events, conversations and statements have been created for entertainment purposes.
A special thanks to the makers of the memes featured and everyone who helped to produce this article.
Hilarious!